Kwabena’s Six, Kojo Standing, Falling Boys, and a Barrel of Monkeys

How’s that for a title? That’s the highlight of this post, but there’s tons more things to mention. I really wish I would blog more often, so that it wouldn’t be this crazy marathon post! But LIFE has happened–3 boys, a big house to clean, projects to buy and paint–so I’m a really busy person. But I really shouldn’t make myself too busy to post. This is important stuff here.

Anyhow, first order of announcements…..

He shocked me this weekend when I saw him let go momentarily from the tub of trains that Ohene has asked me to lug downstairs, and when I saw that, it was so exciting! I guess I sort of forgotten that for my boys, this age is the magical time that they start strutting their independence and learning to stand. Kwabena was a nearly walker at 10 months; Ohene was even earlier, at 9 months, and Kojo seems to be right along that developmental track.

I even had a chance to record him standing, along with a cute pic. Of course, I’m at work blogging (since this appears to be the best time to get uninterrupted blogging time). So I don’t have the pics to post of it. But it’s soooo cute! Still a little shocked that it’s happened already–didn’t I just give birth to him???? Sure feels like it! (And by the size of my gut, still LOOKS like it, but more on that on a minute, LOL).

Yeah, so my big boy is venturing out and standing at various times. He’s also eating Cheerios and little bits of food chunks. Seeing him pic them up is adorable. And it’s become our routine–every morning, we’ll put him in his high chair (same ‘ole passed down wooden one that Kwabena owned!), and we give him bits of cereal.

He’s still nursing, but has decreased his interest in it. Sometimes he just pulls back, while the boob is in his mouth, and just looks at it, like, “Wait–you want ME to do WHAT??” It’s hilarious. He’s so active (although NO WHERE near as active as Kwabena and Ohene was–well, Kwabena, at least, lol). He doesn’t want to just sit there and nurse, for the most part. He wants to move around, explore, and sitting there nursing is not his idea of a good time. LOL  He still nurses (for the most part) before he goes to bed, and wakes at least 3 times a night and wants to nurse. I give to him, because it keeps my supply going. But otherwise, he’s not too much interested in it. He’s similar to Ohene; he was the same way.

Speaking of Ohene, he’s in the midst of potty training. He’s so random! One day he will do great, and even tell us when he needs to poop in the potty; the next, he’s crapping his pants. LOL. And he’s at the point where it bothers him to have poop in his pants, so he will take it off HIMSELF, which sometimes equals a mess. Like yesterday, he pooped in his underwear, and had taken it off, and had the nerve to come and get me and show me where he’s gotten poop in the back of the door. LOL. Sigh……

Ohene is the whiny child. Kwabena NEVER whined as much as Ohene does! Some mornings, like this morning, getting ready for work/daycare/day camp, turns into this all-out war. Whining and crying over nothing, really. I think it’s

just him reacting to the weekend being over. I should pay more attention to his pattern of fussiness and see if there’s any validity in that idea of the weekend ending, having to leave Mommy/home.

Ohene is really a sweet boy, despite all the whining and times when he thinks he’s a super bad-ass and tells me he’s going to “kick your face down, Mommy.” (Where in the hell did he get that from?!). Anyhow, he’s my sweet baby, who loves to whisper in my ear before going to sleep, “Mommy, I want to tell you a secret. I love you too much.” That’s our little thing: whispering about how we love each other too much. It’s very sweet. And he kisses me! Kwabena won’t kiss with his lips, and Kojo–well, he doesn’t know the difference, LOL.

I feel guilty, though, that I don’t play with Ohene much. I think what they say is true about that “middle-child syndrome.” They sort of just fall between the cracks of daily life. For example, Kwabena is the oldest, so all his rearing is new to us–from starting school, to making friends, to school problems, to this…to that. By the time we get to Ohene, we’ve been there, done that. And then, the baby is a baby, of course, so he requires a lot of attention. And there you have Ohene stuck in the middle. I even get their names mixed up, and he pointedly says, “Mommy, I’m not Kojo. I’m not brother. I’m not Kwasi. I’m not Mommy. I’m Ohene!” Poor thing….I just can’t keep their names straight!

So this morning, I tried to give him some extra love before he left, and promised to play something special with him when he gets home. He requested trains, so we’ll be playing trains for a while today 🙂 I must do better about giving him his own special love, not just Kwabena with his behavioral issues, and Kojo with his infant requirements.

Kwabena’s turned 6!

He’s never really had a party with outside guest, so I had wanted to throw him a party with his best friend from his class, Ryan, and a few other boys from his class, and then my friends’ son, Noah. But we had some power outages due to a bad thunderstorm just a day before his party was supposed to take place (was supposed to be on Sunday, July 1st). And because of that, we had to cancel. We ended up throwing something that 4th of July, with just Noah and Ryan, and Kwabena and Ohene. It actually was the right size! It felt nice entertaining and just shootin’ the shit with friends. Kofi came by, too, with was nice. And Kwasi mom came by after she had gotten off work. It was a nice little party! Makes me want to do more entertaining, for sure.

He’s changing so much, getting so much more mature, but still so baby-ish in so many ways. He likes to keep his hair cut close, so that definitely gives him a more mature look (I prefer some curls to his head–hopefully winter, I’ll get some!). And he’s getting so tall!! I think I measured him to be 4’2″!

He’s been going to this Montgomery County Maryland daycamp located near our house, in the Good Hope community center. Garbage….straight garbage. The place looks like a run-down dump to dump your kids off at because you can’t afford to put them in a real daycare. It’s quite sad when I go there to pick him up. The miniblinds are all jumbled and broken. The inside is dark and dreary and dirty-looking. Even the place where they stash their lunches looks a hot mess–lunches thrown everywhere, kids stepping all over them looking for their own lunch box…..Awful. Kwabena doesn’t have any complaints, nor does he say it’s “cool” or anything like that. He has made a couple friends, and even asked if he could visit one of the boys’ homes, outside of camp. I’ll have to see if I can track down his mom. But anyhow, it’s very dumpy. I have decided that I won’t have him in that camp again next year. There’s the Briggs Chaney community center, which is cleaner and nicer, and maybe we’ll do that one next year. Or, as Kwabena said, “Why don’t you just save up for it, for a year?” HA! I guess we can do that, too, so we can put him in some cool spots next summer.

School starts in about a month. WHAT?! Seriously, first grade???? It seems crazy that this summer is going by so fast. And I can only hope that 1st grade will be successful, that we can leave behind some of his behavioral problems. Who knows. He still doesn’t listen very well, and I am convinced he’s a little ADHD (he had some prelimiary testing done with my coworkers a couple months ago, which did show a decreased attention span, but because he wasn’t officially 6 years old, it wasn’t “valid.”). Anyhow, he was having some behavioral issues at the daycamp, with hitting another kid in the private area, or pulling down another kid’s pants (all in play), but even so, that’s not something he can do, and he must learn the operate by the rules. SIGH…..

Chugging along as normal! I just realized today that Kwasi doesn’t own hardly anything! LOL Everything that we have in the house is something that I acquired. He’s really a man of little belongings. All the clutter here or there, is all mine and the kids. It’s a wonder he puts up with us, really! LOL

Kwasi is still working on the weekends, as well as during the week. I feel bad for him, never getting a break. I know some weekends he wishes he could just stay home and relax. I was thinking, though, even if he didn’t need to work to pay that weekly daycare bill, he would find some other bill that needs to be paid. This man has been working weekends since before I met him, that that was nearly 17 years ago! I don’t think he would know what to do with himself if he didn’t have a job on the weekend. So, it’s good for him to go. But he also has to be able to take off. Coming up with that daycare, though, is tough….. (Oh, how good it will be when those boys are all in school!!!!).

So, yeah, here’s how I have been: Blogging! Painting furniture! And planning to go to a blogging conference next week, in NEW YORK CITY for 4 days!! WOO HOO! I’m soooo excited!! I’m taking the bus up, for a measly $34, and will be staying at the blogging conference (BlogHer 2012) hotel with my new tenant. (More on that in a moment). It was a last minute decision to go, even though I didn’t really have the money to go. But I reallllly want to do this blogging thing, and any amount of networking that I can do, the better. I see people making money at this, and it would be outstanding if I could make enough money to give up my day-job and still be able to comfortably survive. My goal is a $2,000 a month income, but hell, right now, I’m only at about…..oh…..$8.00 a month, average? HA! That’s not even enough to pay for my Aweber marketing at $19.00 a month. But anyhow…..everyone’s got to start somewhere…..

And while I’m trying to do all this, I’m also trying to work full-time (even though work is soooooo easy and non-busy), and be a mom. I feel like I fail as a mom, because I am trying to do too much, when really, shouldn’t I just focus on my kids?? But my blogging is my passion and make me happy. And when I am working on a piece of furniture, or a project, it makes me happy. Fulfilled. Creative. But with that, I feel like I am always sacrificing something–time with the kids and Kwasi…..housework…..this…..that……And I’ve been finding that a lot of bloggers are commenting on this lack of balance problem, too. So it’s not just me. We’re not invincible, and we can’t do it all, even though we try. We just need to stop trying.

Health-wise, I am doing okay. Such a sweet tooth, and can’t seem to stop to get these last 15 pounds off of me. I have been running here and there, but not consistenly. I should come up with the $40 to get back on tthe gym here at work. I loved the Kangoo classes! I’m right at 171….172….and just can’t wait to break that 169 mark. And this gut…..ugh…..So uncomfortable with it, and wondering why I still look like I’m 3-4 months pregnant. In fact, some bitch cashier at Target (who I honestly think was mentally SLOW), had the nerve to ask me if I am having a baby soon. Um, NO! Just because I have a pile of baby food, and a little gut, doesn’t mean I’m having a baby soon!!

Anyhow, I’ve been spending lots of money lately, and ready to get back on track with that. I hit up my first estate sale last week and made off like a bandit with (1) a pool table for $400 (which was a $4,000 table), (2) a bench for $100, (3) an Ethan Allen sofa for $100, (4) Xbox games (Kwabena and Ohene have been loving Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is too violent, but I’ve been a bad mom and let them play just to allow myself time to get other shyt done). Overall, I’ve been spending without a clear budget, and I’ve been shooting myself in the foot. Time to create a bugdet and stick to it!!!

As for my Hagerstown family, Mom is stressed beyond stressed. Nanny (mom’s mom) has Alzheimer’s, and dealing with that, not knowing if that day will be a “good” day or a “bad” day for Nanny, has been stressful. Plus, dealing with living with Bee again and afraid of what will happen between Bee and Trey, that has taken its toll on mom. She’s lost 30 (without trying, because she isn’t eating), and she texted me today and said her blood pressure is really night right now–higher than normal. I told her that she will give herself a heart attack, and she responded, “You always did know what to say.” Hey, it’s the truth. Better to speak words of this problem than to act like it’s not a big deal. She will make herself sick if she doesn’t put her own health first.

On a different note, there was a good article written last week on GreatSchools.org about why boys are failing and falling behind. It was eye-opening. I think I have not beel aware of what our challenges will be, raising all boys. They’re different from girls, as this recommended book, “Boys Adrift,” points out. We need to be aware of these challenges of boys, and what makes them unique, so we can mitigate it. I want my boys to be good men. And our education about boys needs to start right now.

One thing about raising boys is that I have to understand that boys will be more rowdy. They will be. And mine definitely are. I need to develop some patience, because lately I have been letting the boys stress me out. I’m most stressed when I am trying to do something, usually clean. They’re loud, their arguing over toys, they’re fussing, crying, hitting each other (not often), and just being–BOYS. Yesterday I took them to Jo-Ann fabric with me, trying to find fabric for something, and just getting them to sit, walk, stand normally, was soooo tough! Even Kojo is Mr. Hands, wanting to eat and touch everything. LOL. People looked at me, like they normally do, with this look of wonder in their eyes, and say, “Whew! Wow…..3 boys! Bless you! And by the time we left the store, I was so irritated, all I could do is compare the boys to a barrell of MONKEYS! Seriously, they reminded me of monkeys! I was so angry with them!!!

But then today I chuckle over it, because in that book I am reading, Boys Adrift (by Leonard Sax, MD, PhD), he compares girls and boys to young chimps. He recounted how studies have compared the two species, and how female chimps will model the adults when being shown how to forge for termites, down to the exact length of the stick, whereas “the males ignore the grown-ups; they prefer to run off and wrestle with other young male chimps, or to swing from trees.”

When I read that–OMG–I had an “Aha” moment. I was correct in that my sons DO act like monkeys–male monkeys! That they’re simply doing what is biologically inherrent to them–to be rowdy, to wrestle, and to play. I was wrong to compare them to a “barrel of monkeys,” because that’s assuming that all monkeys, male and female, act like my children. But they don’t! It’s only the males!

The significance of this AHA moment is this: I have been expecting my sons to act lik girls.

I have not fully understood the significance of raising a boy versus raising a girl. I’m expecting things that are really outside of their realm of functioning. And that’s not to make excuses for them, or to let them get away with whatever they want. It’s to be more aware that this is just simply how boys are, and to learn some strategies in dealing with them, and to stop expecting them to act like girl.

I can’t wait to delve more into the book! I’ll have to post more later as I read more.

Well, there is much more to post, but this has been long enough, eh? More later!!!