I realized recently that these are my last few weekends as a “mom to one.” Actually, the thought of going from one child to two children….well….sort of unnerves me. I think about all the things it takes to care for a newborn, and then add those responsibilities to taking care of a preschooler, and I know I am going to have a helluva job on my hands! During the week will be easy, when Kwasi is here with me, working from home, as he does daily. But on the weekends, I’m sure it will take some adjustment as I learn to manage 2 kids. The good news is that I have an EXCELLENT preschooler, and I’m sure he is going to make the job easier than if I had a younger child AND a newborn!
I had discussed with a friend recently the saddness about realizing Kwabena is no longer going to be the only child, and I haven’t experienced those emotions. And I don’t think I will. The reason why is because I can’t see anything negative about giving him a sibling. I see how excited he gets when interacting with other kids, wanting to “find a friend” on the playground, that, being able to give him a (hopefully) life-long friend, I couldn’t be happier.
Yes, Kwabena will have to share the limelight with another child. But you know what? He will be just fine.
In fact, on Friday (and several times, in fact), I had an interesting conversation with my supervisor and coworker regarding parenting issues. Yesterday we were shootin’ the shit all day, really, and one of the conversations that came about yesterday was about how I “try too hard” when it comes to parenting Kwabena–just based on the things I have told them. The conversation started off with me talking to my coworker about the bad relationship she has with her 15-year-old daughter (i.e. she fussed too much at her, didn’t compliment her for good behavior very often, etc.). My supervisor pointed out that both my coworker and I represent extreme ends of an unbalanced parenting relationship.
Interesting…..
Okay, I know they don’t live in my house, and are only basing their evaluations on things I have said to them. But you know what? They’re sort of right.
I don’t smother Kwabena. But I am VERY involved with him. So much so that I put him first, above everyone, even Kwasi. I know that many moms probably understand that, but regardless, it’s not healthy for a marriage to put your kids so high above anything and everyone else. How else is a family supposed to survive without a good marital foundation?
When I come home from work in the evenings, I put my whole evening (up until bedtime) into Kwabena: I try to prepare dinner (albeit it’s not always the healthiest concocctions), engage him into conversation, try to do something constructive with him (puzzles, learning letters, etc.)–whatever the activity may be; but that is what I focus on.
I feel a lot of parental guilt for even considering sitting down to watch something on TV when Kwabena is awake. I feel like I should devote every second to him, either individually, or as “family time.”
After talking to my coworkers, though, even if part of the conversation was teasing, they had a point–in some way, I need to back off of Kwabena….put Kwasi first sometimes….or even myself…because you know what?? Kwabena is going to be FINE, regardless. There are times when it might be appropriate for him to just play on his own, without needing me trying to engage him each minute of the day.
So that is what I am going to try to do–back off a little bit…..learn how to put Kwasi and myself first at times…..and give Kwabena time to not have me up his ass. LOL. Granted, he is used to that involvement from me, and I’m sure he enjoys it. But especially with Ohene coming, I am not going to be as assessible to Kwabena at all times the way I am now. And what better time to move him into a little bit more independent play at times when I may need or want to focus on other things, instead of feeling guilty that my 100% of focus isn’t on Kwabena?
Anyhow, more on this later….it’s such an interesting topic to me!
Do other moms feel this way? Struggle with this, as well?
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