Last night I sent out an email to friends and family telling them about Kwabena’s updated blog, this morning only to find out that a couple people didn’t agree with my choice of words in a previous post.
My initial reaction was to be defensive. “Who are they to judge my writing and thoughts?!” I wanted to ask. Well, after all, Serena, you did send out the link for people to read the blog, and potentially comment back. Isn’t that the point?
Oh, yeah….that’s right….
So I went back and re-read what I wrote that caused a spark of disagreement:
“I guess when kids get to this age and understand their bodily functions a little more, they can begin to feel shameful and want to hide when pooping.”
The word in question here is “shameful.” Why did I pick this word? What was I really getting at? And what ramifications, if any, could there be on how I parent Kwabena?
Maybe shameful wasn’t the right word. Embarrassed, maybe? Angry?
It’s hard to say. When Kwabena is hiding behind me or something else to poop, and I ask him if he is pooping (or if he has already pooped), his reaction is one of anger, of not wanting me to see him and being upset if I focus on him. Could it merely be the fact that he wants privacy? Could he be feeling like he’s doing something wrong? Since this is my first experience with this type of behavior, and I surely haven’t done much reading up on the wonderful world of potty training (or potty learning; whatever you prefer to call it), I can’t quite put my finger on the emotions that a toddler feels when they start to become aware of their bodily functions, or how they express that to the world, or how I am to perceive these behaviors.
I remember a conversation that a friend and I were having months and months ago when her daughter began to hide while pooping. I recall us discussing the behavior in such as way that “shameful” is what came to mind first, so it is what I wrote. But perhaps there is a better word to describe this type of behavior….?
Regardless of what the word should or should not be, I do give Kwabena his privacy once I realize that he is, in fact, pooping. I don’t make him feel shameful or embarrassed. I simply turn around, mind my business, and realize that, at the bare minimum, this behavior means he’s coming one step closer to learning how to use the potty.
Welcome to the world of judgements when you have an open blog. LOL I had someone tell me I was a bad mother taking my 11 week old out in public and running errands once who was a lurker HA HA.
I think they key is to realize you interpreted Kwabena’s feelings as shameful or angry but you hope he doesn’t feel that way?! Or if he does maybe you can turn it around by acting excited and picking him up and getting him to the potty? That’s what we do. But it depends on the child. He might not want to be “interupted” as he concentrates on going HA HA!
Yeah, you’re right–when we open up our thoughts and actions to the world, more than likely, someone will judge. We all do it. There are just ways to do so tactfully, and some people lack that (rolling my eyes….)
Sorry you were told you were a bad mother! UGH! I remember taking Kwabi to my old job when he was 3 WEEKS OLD (was I crazy or WHAT?!). I just couldn’t sit in the house one more day! HAHAHA