Oh…..my……what a topic. And one that I am quite excited to bring up: SANTA CLAUS!
The reason why I bring it up is because I have a nephew, age 13 (soon-to-be 14 years old), and he still believes in Santa. Well, at least, this is what my mom and sister have told me. Each Christmas this is a question I throw out at my family, and each year I am incredulous that a child over the age of 6 or 7 (okay, even pushing 8 years old) can still believe in Santa.
I recall each year he questions my mom and sister about whether Santa is real, and each year they respond to him, “Well, what do you think?” He says he still believes. Kwasi even took it upon himself to diplomatically tell my nephew last year (off-season) that there was no Santa. He didn’t believe Kwasi. Maybe that’s because my sister swore to my nephew that, yes, Santa is real.
I find something inherently wrong with a teenager still believing in Santa (and parents that aren’t up-front with a child that asks), so I did some research (Google, of course) on this, and came up with some responses that closely match my own beliefs about why it’s ridiculous for 1) a child of 13 to still believe in Santa, and 2) for parents to not be real with their children when asked a question to which they should be given a valid explanation:
I found a question online where someone posed whether or not a parent should tell their 13-year-old child that Santa is not real. And one response was:
Must we infantilize our teens?
As lovely as Cary’s advice is, and as starry-eyed as it leaves me, it doesn’t explain how Santa gets down all existent chimneys at midnight, Christmas Eve. This is a question all Santa’s faithful eventually face. There’s a bit of Judas in us all.
I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my first child, sitting by the warm glow of a Christmas tree and filled with maternal worry for the LW’s 13-year-old daughter. She needs to be told that the Santa she’s asked about does not exist in the tangible world. If she’s menstruating and still believes in Santa, she’s entering adolescence unarmed and lll-prepared. If she’s old enough to have Santa’s baby, then she’s old enough to know the man in the red suit, standing at the foot of her bed at midnight, is not holding an iPod.
When a pimply pre-teen inquires about the logistics of Santa’s industrial complex, it’s time to compliment her critical thinking and welcome her into the next equally privileged stage of life. It is not a time to install an electrical fence around her curious brain just because we, as adults, suffer from unbearable nostalgia and think it sweet that our offspring still “believe.”
At this stage of her daughter’s mental and physical development, it shouldn’t be earth-shattering that Santa, as she knew him, does not exist. It should be a relief to discover that the only reason her gifts from Santa paled in comparison to those of her friends was because her poor mum and dad did the best they could to provide. If anything, this should trigger a geyser of empathy and gratitude– which is an emotional experience not afforded to little children who believe gifts magically arrive for all the world’s boys and girls.
Having this emotional experience is not only a privilege, it’s a gateway to understanding something deeper and more powerful about the spirit of Christmas. As children, Christmas is about receiving; as adults, it’s about giving and the many personal sacrifices often made to make Christmas magical for the young and underprivileged.
In this case, the truth about Santa is more beautiful than the fiction. The LW might consider approaching “the conversation” with her daughter with excitement, not apology. Tell her you’ve been waiting for her to ask such questions and that the time has come for her know the true meaning of Christmas: now that she’s old enough, she’s a Santa too.
Next year, let her make gift decisions for her younger siblings. More importantly, have her make a personal sacrifice out of her allowance that would give a little boy or girl, who is not her sibling, a gift. After all, this all started with the question of how Santa can deliver toys to all homes at one time. Well, LW, you might explain that without her help, he can’t.
-Anastasia Basil
In the Appiah household, as you can see from my previous post, Christmas traditions have never really existed. It’s only been this year, really, that I decided to get a tree, and to feed to Kwabena the joy and excitement about the holiday. But one thing that I decided I would not do, and I am firm about this, is to lie to Kwabena about Santa delivering gifts. He recognizes Santa pictures, but when I ask him “What does Santa do?” to see what he would say, he responds, “I don’t know!” LOL. And when I ask him if he wants presents for Christmas, it’s always implied that it’s something that *I* am going to buy him, not someone named Santa.
This might all be a little tricky come Christmas Day when Kwabena and I are at my mom’s house, when my nephew and niece (age 5) are doting over the gifts that “Santa” brought them, while Kwabena is opening two or three presents from Mommy. I am sure I will be fielding questions about why Kwabena didn’t get as many gifts… and what did Santa bring Kwabena, etc. I am not sure how I will field those questions. I can be sure that I will not divulge the truth to my niece and nephew (since they are not my kids and I have no right to impose my own beliefs). But I also don’t want to “play along.” So I will have to be sure to think of neutral responses.
I’ll let you know how it goes…..
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