After the daycare provider told me about Kwabi’s occasional episodes of biting and destructing behavior to others’ toys, I wrote her a message in the little notebook that she and I use to pass messages back and forth to each other on a daily basis. I told her a few ideas of where I thought the behaviors were coming from, but that regardless of where the behaviors are coming from, I would keep reinforcing positive behaviors at home, etc.
I am happy to report that yesterday Kwabi had great behavior! Here’s the note that his daycare provider sent home, which was so touching and made me feel very nice:
All went well! Kwabi did excellent. I had no problems. He cooperates well. He understands and did not repeat any behavior that is not acceptable. I am very happy to have you (both) as parents with such wonderful parenting skills. You are doing a wonderful job with Kwabi. He is learning things the right way 🙂 Kwabi did great with eating. He loves everything you sent. He had 2 huge BMs and slept for 2 hours. He’s in a very good mood all day. Bryce and Kwabi are still best friends. Nothing has changed. 🙂 Do have a great evening.
Of course, I’m sure you don’t care to read about the number and quantity of his BM (bowel movements), but the important part is the compliment that she gave to us regarding our parenting skills.
This means a lot to me because I take parenting very seriously. I realize that everything we do, say, and expose Kwabi to creates a model for his behavior.
For example, we recently had a situation where Kwabi became very jealous of me holding a life-like baby doll. He cried and whined and pawed at my arms, wanting me to put down the baby doll. It actually was pretty cute, considering that it was just a doll, but to his undeveloped toddler brain, he didn’t know the difference. All he knew was that Mommy was holding something that looked like a baby, and dammit, that was unacceptable to him.
At that time, he lashed out and hit the baby doll in the head. I quickly told him that that wasn’t nice. Later, however, he kept going across the room to the doll and tapping it on the hand, then telling me, “I hit the baby.” My mom and I actually laughed–not because he was hitting and showing what could have been considered by some aggressive behavior–but because it really was just too damn cute. We later realized that we shouldn’t have laughed, and wondered if the behavior would carry over into daycare.
Sure enough–that following Monday and Tuesday, he went to daycare hitting (softy, but still hitting) the 7- and 8-month old babies there. I had to explain to the daycare provider where the behavior had come from. Luckily, the behavior was short-lived and he resumed his normal loving, gentle demeanor.
That experienced only highlighted to me the importance of setting good examples for Kwabena. Anytime we laugh at a behavior of his, regardless of how “cute” it seems at the time, only reinforces that the behavior is acceptable (which it may not be). It totally sends the wrong message.
I was wrong to assume that he knew a difference between a baby doll and a real baby.
Anyhow, what I am saying is that I must take care in what I reinfornce with Kwabena, directly and indirectly, because everything will influence him.
Leave a Reply