Kwasi said this allll day yesterday at daycare……when his shoes fell off…..when he needed or wanted to do anything….he called out to everyone in the daycare, “Help me, Samuel! Help me, Bryce! Help me, Marilyn!”
Where did this come from?
So when I walked into daycare yesterday, Kwabi was on the floor near the door, in tears because Miss Marilyn was making him put on his own shoes; teaching him, rather.
And it was then that I realized that Kwabena IS spoiled (or, as I have always called, he’s just “well loved”). LOL
But seriously… I realized that there are things Kwabi should be able to do on his own, and given the opportunity to do…such as putting on his shoes, dressing himself, undressing himself, brushing his teeth, etc. For so long, I have done these things because he was too young to do it himself, or too young to do it “right” (e.g. brushing his teeth), that I have just DONE IT, and have KEPT doing it.
But he’s 2 years old now. And when I ask him to pull on his own pants, for example, he resigns to, “I can’t do it,” at which point I show him how to do it, and then praise him for doing a majority of it himself. He will then exclaim, “I did it!!”
Am I going to be making excuses for what Kwabena can and cannot do when he is 5 years old? 10 years old? “Oh, Kwabena can’t do THAT….he’s only 15 years old!” and “Well, Kwabena can’t do that….he’s only 23 years old….”
These experiences are just reminders to me that part of parenting is giving your child opportunities for independence, granted that they are truly ready and able to do something. Even using “age” as a determining factor is faulty, because no child is “textbook.” It’s about challenging your child; letting them explore and learn, and knowing when they are ready for more responsibility and when they are not.
It’s a fine line, and as moms we have to always evaluate how much our kids can truly handle, without automatically assuming that they can’t do something because they are ___[insert excuse here]___.
If we make excuses for our kids that really hold no weight, without giving them the opportunity, then we aren’t helping them to be independent and reach their full potential.
Interesting. I feel like I’m the opposite. Many times I feel like I want to do something for Gem that she can do herself because I can do it faster or better, but she would prefer to do it herself.
But sometimes she does ask for help, even when she can do something herself. I am not always the best at it, but my goal is to ALWAYS respond when she asks for help. I see it as a great skill in this world to be able to ask for help. And, I want Gem to know that I hear and value her voice and opinion. And who doesn’t want someone to help them with something at times?
What about responding with something like- “how about I do this part and you do that part?” So you know he’s heard and you are responding to him, but you are also encouraging his independence? I have a feeling you will long for these days when he’s insisting on doing EVERYTHING himself sometime soon.
Angie, I always love hearing your thoughts on subjects, because you bring up points I haven’t considered. I always finding myself doing thing, too, because I can get it done faster and easier (especially since I’m always whipping around in a frenzy because I’m always running late for SOMETHING, lol). But I also see Kwabena’s “help me” (and really, he’s only started this in the last couple days or so, so he might just be trying out new words to see what kind of response he gets, you know?) It’s just that when I say, “Oh, let’s see if you can do it” he will give a half-hearted effort and then say, “I can’t do it.” When I encourage him (and I like your response of “how about I do this part and you do that part”), he actually is very proud of himself for completing it. I just don’t want to raise him in such a way that he feels he can’t do anything without assistance. Reminds me of those “helicopter moms” that I read about in Oprah magazine–moms that are hovering over their kids’ heads, doing EVERYTHING for their kids, even their adult kids, like negotiating job interviews and salaries, doing laundry, etc. LOL I know it’s a little early to be thinking of those sorts of things….but I do want to give him some space to feel more independent.