Today I found out about a blog by a mom named Izzy……and I couldn’t help but copy and paste her post from Sept 1st……
I can’t identify with SOME of the stuff she longs for, like coming home with five people in tow and sleeping with them (lol), but I can identify with the general concept of being carefree and reliving her youth.
(But I can also imagine myself 20 years from now looking back on this time of my life and wanting to relive this part, too).
Sep 01 2008
I Want
Lately, I’ve been lost in my head. Daydreaming. Longing. Wishing I had a time machine or some such device that would let me be young again. It’s not that I want to relive my youth, my glory days, per se. I don’t want to repeat history — I got my ya ya’s out before settling down, had a good long stint of married life before having kids. Theoretically, I did everything right and yet, I find myself wishing for something I’ll never have again — a carefree life; a life where the future is but a vague concept; a life where fun is the only thing that matters.
I want to get dressed up to go out at midnight. I want to drink without worrying about a hangover. I want to be reckless. I want to sneak backstage and party with the band. I want to hang out of a car window while screaming my head off. I want to go to late night after parties and make out with someone cute that I’ll never see again. I want to go out to breakfast at 4am and giggle uncontrollably because my friends are tripping too hard to order. I want to meet weird people and have deep conversations with them over too many drinks and too many cigarettes. I want my posse of crazy girlfriends and all the drama that comes with them. I want to flirt with lanky, long-haired boys that have no money or prospects. I want to take roadtrips without any advance planning and too many people in the car. I want to be seduced. I want to get love letters. I want bootycalls. I want to take pictures of myself and my friends in compromising positions and not give a damn who sees them. I want to have an urgent need to go to the record store because I just heard the most amazing song. I want to live on pizza and saltine crackers. I want to be idealistic. I want to be as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat. I want to come home at dawn with five other people in tow and pile onto my bed and sleep with them. I want to feel the feeling of having a crush. I want to feel that feeling of kissing someone in a way that makes you ache with desire. I want to rage against the machine. I want to LIVE.
It’s not that I hate the life I have. I wouldn’t change it for anything. But at heart, I’m a restless soul. I always want more from life than is possible. And this thing…this daydream that won’t stop, this longing — how do I make it go away?
You can call it whatever you want — a mid-life crisis, a housewife’s lament, whatever. Just tell me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way.
Do you? Have you?
I can totally relate to some of that………… it’s about realizing we’re older now and those days are gone……. thats why older people tell us to enjoy it but we’re CLUELESS until…..well until you start feeling that way? Ya know?
I think kids keep us young and we can live a lot of things again through them if we allow ourselves to.
It’ll never be the way it WAS but now there is so much more to enjoy NOW too!
You’re so right, Tamra. I think that is why people should live their life to the fullest, as trite as that sounds, so that when you’re older and look back, you can say, “Shit, at least I got a chance to experience that!” instead of wishing for all the things you didn’t get a chance to do, you know?
I agree that we can live a lot of thing through the lives of our kids. Hell, I loves the Berenstein Bears books as a kid, and now I read them to Kwabena. I actually get excited when we come across a new one that we don’t have 🙂 It’s probably more for ME than it is for HIM. LOL
Man, I think we can all relate, eh? My husband and I have recently started having nights out with our friends while the other one stays with the kids. It sucks that we rarely go out together, but it’s wonderful to catch up with friends and to connect with the part of ourselves that we were before we became parents.
Kelly, do you have any family in the area that could watch your kids while you and your husband go out? My MIL lives only a couple miles away and we STILL don’t “use” her often for babysitting! I don’t know why, really….I almost feel guilty for “dumping” him on her, even though I know everyone benefits. But I think we get stuck in some rut of married life (not saying that married life is ALWAYS a rut) and we get so complacent.
There’s one friend that I have that I haven’t seen in quite some time….he’s actually a gay male from childhood, and when I party with him, OMG….makes me feel just like that original post stated–wild, carefree, reckless…..
Why does hanging with fun gay men make married straight women like me feel so good??
LOL
(I might have to just call him up for a night out at the gay bar……)