Somewhere in the last few weeks or so, Kwabi has become quite sensitive. If someone tells him not to do something in a normal tone, at times he becomes very upset. He puts both hands over his face and a slow wail begins.
This morning it happened at Miss Marilyn’s, his daycare provider. Today was the first day back after Miss Marilyn’s 2-week vacation. Kwabi was playing on the floor as she and I talked. Being a kid, and doing crazy things that kids do, he started biting on the rug. Miss Marilyn told him not to do it. And instantly, the hands went up and the cries began, at which point he ran to me.
I picked him up, and his arms flung around my neck so tightly. He was sobbing a very sad sob.
Miss Marilyn had a look of confusion at his behavior, since he’d never acted that way for her. Before, when she would tell him to stop doing something, he would come up to her, hug her, and say, “Sorry!” But now, he’s ultra-touchy at times. (Other times, he will stop the behavior or just ignore me, LOL).
I wonder if other toddlers do this? If other toddlers go through these touchy phases where any slight “don’t do that” yields a torrential flood of tears?
Kwasi, of course, doesn’t like it, because he thinks Kwabi needs to “man-up.” Even Miss Marilyn, ever-so-gently, said that he needs to toughen up, because if I jump to soothe him during those responses, then he may feed into it for the attention.
Could be that he’s just being the “just-turned-2-year old” that he is….and like all things, this is just a phase that he will go through. He’s growing, and changing, and taking in new things, and learning about human interaction.
In the meantime, I will still respond to his behavior (i.e. letting him know the reason we are telling him “no, please don’t do that”), and will also console him if he seems particularly upset.
I don’t think there’s much (or any!) “toughening up” that a 2-year old can do. Kwabi JUST turned 2. But, I do recognize that how we react to his behavior, in general, could encourage or negate many aspects of his behavior and his reactions.
Or, he might just be becoming a sensitive child! Either way, we should continue to parent gently, wisely, firmly, and consistently. And, to support him regardless of whether it’s just a stage or his little personality emerging!
Serena – Addison does the SAME thing if she is spoken to even in the nicest terms if it goes against what she wants to do…….she puts her hands over her eyes and sobs or if E.J. or Kris say “no” to something runs wailing to me and clings to me all sad. I think its normal and I think we SHOULD comfort them while reinforcing in a loving way why they were asked to stop doing something or told “no” – and share in their frustrations or sadness over it. It’s OK to be sad and to cry when you are disappointed. MAN OR WOMAN- and I think expecting a child who was just a BABY a year ago to control those emotions or toughen up is robbing them of their born right to be a BABY and CHILD and teaching them how to process ALL emotions and deal with disappointment in a healthy way. That’s just my personal opinion…….Kwabena is NOT going to grow up and be crying and clinging to you over every disappointment. He just needs you right now to help him with his feelings and comfort him at times. It sounds like Kwasi perceives emotions as being weak?
I agree with you, Tamra. I think sometimes we forget that, just because our kids are having conversations with us and showing new skills and abilities, they are still BABIES.
I think it’s different for men raising boys. Men want boys that are tough, not “soft.” Another male friend of mine even validated that for me. But I think some men are a little too eager to toughen up their boys, out of fear they will raise wimps.
It’s also very cultural, a point that Miss Marilyn brought up today, too (she’s Indian, from Holland and Guyana)….That some cultures do not condone kids’ crying and fussing and showing those types of emotions. I remember when I was in ghana in 2003, I do not recall hearing a single child crying. Seriously. It’s just not something that’s tolerated.
So, as a Ghanaian-American, Kwabi will definitely get some of that influence from Kwasi, and will have influence and understanding from me when it comes to him expressing his emotions with crying and such.
Oh, and by the way, Miss Marilyn reported that Kwabi did great today!! He didn’t have any more episodes of crying fits, and when she told him to stop doing something, he came over and said “Sorry!”
Maybe he’s just doing it when *I* am around….??
Just wanted to say that I don’t think *all* men want boys that are “tough” and “not soft”— I know with my husband he would want to nurture whatever personality my child had without worry of whether he was making him feminine/soft/unmasculine etc..
Nurture the nature—- I think it’s totally normal for our kids regardless of gender to be doing this type of thing.
You’re right, not all men do–just the men *I* know! LOL