The guilt is really hitting me now–the guilt of what I have taken away from Kwabena: a 100% attentive Mommy.
That’s been the hardest part…..knowing that my full attention and focus cannot be on Kwabena anymore. When Ohene starts crying, I know that I am usually the only one who can give him what he needs, so whatever I may be involved in with Kwabena is halted, and I have to tend to Ohene.
Today Kwabena was home from daycare since there was no other kids there (I’m pissed that we still have to pay, though), and because the house was super-messy, I really wanted to get some clean-up done. I battled through getting the laundry done, with Kwabena asking me repeatedly, “Can you play with me, Mommy? Play with me!” It got to a point where I just had to tell him, “Sweetie, I am cleaning right now. I can’t play with you until I’m done.”
I recall this “play with me” behavior before Ohene came, too, especially times when I was knee-deep in cleaning or something. But it seems like it’s even more prevalent now, since he notices that I am less available. And I feel guilty about that.
Regardless, I know I can’t do much more than what I am already doing to continue to make the transition a smooth one. And plus, I know that the gift of a sibling is worth the momentary uneasiness. 🙂
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