So here’s what Miss Marilyn had written down in Kwabi’s notebook today:
“I’m glad you had a great weekend. I know it must have been very frustrating to be dealing with a two year old about sharing. Well, as you know, sharing is not very realistic with two year olds. I know you want to teach him at a very young age the concept of “sharing.” But some times we have to be careful of “power struggles.” The best to do at times is to turn responsibilities over to him. If a toy belongs to Kwabi, then he has control over it because it is his possession and by you forcing him to give it over to someone who he did not build-up trust in would cause him to hold back (not to share). If you take it against his will you are taking his power away. And the consequences of not sharing turns into punishment. Then anger is the common reaction to punishment. When children are punished they have a need to get even to assest [sp?] their own power after being the victim of someone else’s power. Because anger seems to express as aggression, children will vent–for example “batman mask” trying to make you scared, etc. Every child is different and every situation may be different. I do not believe a 2 yr old should be put in time out for not sharing. it is my opinion, you may agree but you are entitled to your own 🙂 Kwabi is a child who takes care of his personal belongings and he is very responsible for his age. he loves to be complimented and he is very caring and thoughtful and he “shares” when he is [in] cooperative play. He is also very “sensitive.” He does not like his feelings to be hurt. He likes when I gave him “choices” and he cooperates very well when I encourage him in a polite way. You (both) are doing a good job as paretns. And I know you already know how good he is. 🙂 Today all went well. He was a little sensitive about little things but not too extreme.”
I really like her take on this. I realize my own mistake for forcing him to share his toys. And she’s right–it was about a power struggle; I was trying to get him to do what I thought was socially acceptable, trying to get him to concede to “share” by using punishment.
That was wrong of me.
I find all of this fascinating….facing new parenting challenges, and getting new perspectives on issues and topics that arise. I respect Miss Marilyn’s opinion because not only is she a parent, but she’s been a daycare provider for ions, so she’s got experience in dealing with children’s issues. And the most important thing is that she spends all day with my child, observing him, interacting with him, and I value her opinion on his behavior.
And now, I shall venture into the world of research to find out more about sharing.
Stay tuned!
Well my opinion on sharing is this. Two-yr olds are young and I really dont understand time outs for them. When you did it, I thought well ASerena is more into reading about these things and more of a on “schedule” “rule abiding” mom. Im not. Cheyanne goes to sleep when I do eats whenever and takes a bath when she asks (or when she has played outside)For a while now I have been teaching her to share…”mommy’s turn, your turn” Does she understand? Sometimes…but does it happen with other children sometimes! They are learning. Marilyn was right to hide precious possessions like the puppy when he woke up. HE did not need it when he was awake. But Cheyanne loved it but did not need it. After a while she was, it seemed to me making a game out of poor Kwabi’s “mine mine mine”
Funny thig is…Cheyanne has been “mineing” her pacifier!
HAHAH, Cheyanne is “mine’ing” her bo-bo!?! OH NO!! LOL Yeah, it was starting to get pretty funny when she started saying “mine” while taking his toys, just to get a rise out of him. It will be a funny story to tell them when they are 16 years old. 🙂
Funny you mention about “mommy’s turn” and “Cheyanne’s turn” because I have started using that language. I think “turns” rather than “sharing” is easier for them to understand. Kwabi responds easier to “turns” rather than “sharing.”
As for schedules, I think it’s all about what works in each other’s house. You’re right, I’m a “schedule” mom 🙂 I give Kwabi a bath every night, not because he is dirty every day (oh, definitely on daycare days but not so much on the weekends), because I have found that if I disrupt his schedule, it throws him off a bit. He takes longer to settle down for bed. And I have to put him to sleep earlier than I do, or else he would be up all night (like me). I like to make sure he gets at least 9 hours of sleep. But this has just worked for us based on our experience.
But anyhow, still laughing over Cheyanne’s new word of “mine.” LOL!