Today I had some free time (well, not really free since I should be working….but you know what I mean). I took some time to research “sharing,” and came to the conclusion that Miss Marilyn definitely had some valid points regarding toddlers’ lack of willingness to share, and what that means, and how to address it. I am educating myself about this, even though it may seem so simple to some. But it’s a good lesson in parenting for me. And isn’t that what this is about? Learning to grow and to become an even better parent? 🙂
This article was very good, so I pulled out some info from it:
“Sharing takes both practice and comfort. Here are some things you can do to encourage your children to share:
- Don’t expect too much too early. Remember that when you ask your child to share a toy, you’re really asking him to take a risk by giving up something that’s precious. If you push too hard, all you’re teaching your child is to comply with authority.
- Play sharing games together. For very young children, you might want to start by modeling the behavior you want. Give your toddler a stuffed animal, and then ask for it back. Once he’s comfortable with this, ask him to give you one of his stuffed animals. Hold on to it for a few seconds, keeping it in plain sight, before giving it back to him. That gives your child practice with simple reciprocity and reinforces the notion that something he shares will not be taken away forever. There’s evidence that some aggressive older children may not have had enough experience with this type of simple reciprocity. The idea of giving something up is more threatening to them because they don’t truly believe that they’ll get it or something similar in value back.
- Don’t force your child to share everything. Some possessions are so emotionally laden that they should retain their special status. Also, don’t ask your toddler or preschooler to bring her favorite toy to school or childcare. Remember that children in those environments view all toys as common property. Your child may find it too threatening to have other children insisting on playing with her most valuable possession.
- Don’t worry if your child occasionally refuses to share. As with so many things at this age, individual instances are much less important than a general pattern. It’s perfectly normal for a toddler or preschooler to go through periods of intense possessiveness, especially if that child is feeling stressed. But if a child over the age of three never shares his toys, or always treats such sharing as a traumatic event, it’s probably a sign of severe insecurity about not only what they own, but where they fit into their family or school.”
http://www.drkutner.com/parenting/articles/share.html
This next article was also very good for pointing out:
“Parents of young children know the importance of having good social skills.Play groups and play dates are popular ways for many parents to make sure their young children have the chance to be around other children their own age.Even though sharing is an important social skill, toddlers and young preschoolers are not developmentally ready to share or wait for long periods of time. Not until the ages of four and five are most children ready to share toys and materials with others. Although you may want your child to share a toy or take turns with other children when she is very young, she may not be ready. Don’t force it. Your child goes through many social, emotional, physical and mental developmental stages and milestones. Before expecting certain behaviors from your child, check to make sure your expectations are appropriate for his age.”
http://www.childcareaware.org/en/subscriptions/dailyparent/volume.php?id=31
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