Poor Ohene is sooo congested. Apparently, he did pick up something viral. Luckily, there hasn’t been any fever or other problems. But I did have to sleep with him slightly elevated in my arms or on my chest, to help with the congestion. And this morning he sneezed and a huge glob of gunk came out. Poor thing….He’s standing the bulb syringe a little, so at least I’m able to suction some out. He doesn’t seem too miserable, though, thankfully. He just sounds really nasal. I wish he could just blow his nose or something! Hopefully he’ll recover quickly.
Kwabena’s been a real challenge. Well, not that he’s always been the best listener at times. We’ve always really had issues with him following directions during times when we don’t feel like having to repeat ourselves many times–in the morning when we would like him to get dressed quickly, at night when changing into his jammies, etc. We’ve always had to repeat ourselves. But lately, maybe because we’re just a little more less patient or something, it’s become really annoying.
Mom had a great idea last night–starting a reward chart. It’s something I have considered, but never felt like I really needed to do, until now, that is. So I started this morning: each time he follows directions, he gets a star that he gets to stick on his chart on the fridge. If he gets 5 stars, he gets a reward. Mom suggested a “Grab Bag” of fun things, like his favorite snacks, treats, things he likes to do, and even things that are priceless, like “a big hug or kiss” or playing a game that he really likes, etc. I like that idea. I think using positive reinforcement is going to be more helpful than negative reinforcement.
What I had been doing is threatening Kwabena after so many times of asking him to do something: “I’m going to count to three…if you don’t________ by the time I get to three, I’m going to start taking things away from you [e.g. his milk, his bedtime story, his toys, etc.].” And sure enough, it’s enough to get him moving a little, but still isn’t as effective as, perhaps, telling him he can earn a star and get rewards. So we’ll see how this works.
As for me…..ugh….my body. That’s all I have to say is “ugh.” I had to admit it’s not as bad as when I delivered Kwabena. I’m 18 pounds less than where I was with Kwabena at this point, which is awesome. But still, the extra weight I am carrying (about 19 or 20 pounds) is just sitting here on my body, waiting to be melted away. It’s awful. I am trying to keep in mind how amazing my body is for growing and naturally birthing Ohene! LOL But when I try to put on clothes that used to fit, it’s discouraging.
Last night I went to the mall with Kwabena to look for a body slimmer for my belly. First, however, I stopped at Ross before picking Kwabena up from daycare. And let me tell you–it wasn’t pretty. I usually wear a size 10, so I figured I am probably a size 12. Um….wrong. Try, like, size 14!! And one of the size 12 Levi’s fit, but you should have seen my postpartum “muffin top.” NOT cute….I realized that I needed to buy my body slimmer FIRST….THEN try on jeans. It would have been less depressing.
So we went to the mall. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to take Kwabena, because I knew he was going to want to play in the kid’s area, and I really just wanted to get in and get out. But I decided to take him. Before we even left, he said he needed to poop. Okay, great, do it before we leave. But for some reason, he asked me to “wipe the seat off first” (maybe he’s developing a slight germ phobia or something, because he is now commenting on “poopy toilets”). I told him our seat is clean; we only clean off the public ones before each use. He then decided he wanted to “wait until I get home to poop.” Okay, fine, maybe he doesn’t really have to go.
We get to the mall and he says he has to poop…AGAIN. We are at Macy’s and go to the bathroom. Once again, he comments on the yucky poopy seat, and decides he will wait until he gets home. I knew that wasn’t going to fly, but I’m certainly not going to FORCE him.
Wouldn’t you know he waits until we’re IN the dressing room at Macy’s, with me tied up in some ridiculous girdle with 10 million hooks, “I gotta poopy!!!” while holding his ass, like he’s about to shit himself. LOL…Oh, Lord….I was so pissed–not that he had to poop at the most inconvenient time, but the fact that TWICE he had a chance to poop, yet he held it until, yes, an inconvenient time. And once we got into the stall, he couldn’t get his pants down fast enough, and I was afraid he was about to shit himself! Oooohhhh…I was fuming!
I was so upset, and started telling him that I don’t appreciate that type of behavior…that he’s a big boy who knows how to use the bathroom…that he had several opportunities to use the bathroom, so why did he wait until that moment?! I told him that next time, I may not even bring him to the mall if he’s going to act like that. Well, while we were in the stall, he sat there and said defiantly “I’ve had enough time with you, Mommy!” I think he was trying to say he was tired of being with me?? I wasn’t sure. So I asked him, “What do you mean, that you don’t want to spend time with me?” He replied that he wanted to spend some time with Daddy. I softened and agree with him that it’s perfectly OK to spend time with Daddy.
Afterward, I realized that I was wrong to over-react. As annoying as his behavior was, and as much as it extended my trip to the mall, to tell my 3-year old that next time I am not going to bring him, when all he wants is attention and love (because of the new family dynamics) and time with Mommy, I was wrong. I told him his behavior was not appropriate, but I also need to control my patience level and realize that he’s dealing with learning how to share me and Kwasi now. And that’s definitely going to come out in his behavior. Doesn’t mean we just ignore the behavior, but it means that we need to be cognizant and gentle.
Last night, though, once we got home, he wasn’t listening when we kept asking him to put on his jammies. It got to the point where Kwasi was fed up with the selective hearing and put him to bed without his usual routine. Kwabena sat in his bed crying and screaming for 10 minutes. When I was done feeding Ohene, I went in there and explained to him that he needs follow directions, and that there is positive attention, and negative attention. And that if he wants attention, then he could ask for hugs and kisses for POSITIVE attention, and not do things to get NEGATIVE attention.
Afterward, I gave him his usual evening milk, and read him a story, and said goodnight. He had a hard time falling asleep, but luckily, Kwasi tended to him while I was tending to Ohene.
So that’s what our transitioning has been like. Overall, I think we’re doing really good. He’s very loving with Ohene, and doing very well in daycare (e.g. no aggressive issues or behavioral issues, etc.). And like I have said before, the benefit of gaining a sibling is worth the little transitional issues. 🙂
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